GBE #20 "LIFE" or "What one small thing could've changed your life forever?"

 

I have never lived my life as a woulda, coulda, shoulda guy, but when I read the prompt it got me thinking.

 

What would my life have been like had I never gotten on that tetherball pole?  A little backstory...

 

Have you ever rocked back and forth on one of these poles? In the 7th grade, M and I were messing around during recess. M jumped off and I got a lesson in balance. I met the pole, or rather my forehead did. Lots of blood. It was about 6 months later when I had my first seizure.

 

After a battery of tests, the doctor asked my mom if I'd ever been hit on my forehead. She relayed how when I was 3, I'd been running through the house and had slipped and fallen into the corner of the dresser, requiring stitches. Then when I was about 6, I jumped off the fountain at the mall and landed on the same spot. Damn, I was an idiot.

 

According to my EEG's, in that exact spot the tests picked up electrical surges that showed the location of what was causing my Gran Mal seizures. The last hit had "damaged" my brain.

 

I was 14 and it took until I was close to 18 (1979) before I found that perfect "cocktail" of meds. I had 1 seizure in 1988, when my doctor noticed my blood tests showed one of my drugs as toxic and she cut it back. In 3 weeks I had a seizure and afterward went back to my normal dosage. Even though I went back to the same dosage, my blood work was normal the next time. As my doctor said, she should have listened to my body. I have been seizure-free since then, which is something I'm damn proud of!

 

I did change my lifestyle. I have never had alcohol or any hard drugs. In college I tried pot, but it did nothing for me. When I was in middle and high school, I did not go to parties or dates out of fear someone would have a twisted sense of humor and spike my drink. I withdrew into my books and music. I also became routine oriented (something that would drive my friends that didn't know about my condition nuts), because keeping a routine is needed in my life. Plus not having my drivers permit in high school always brought up questions.

I'm lucky. From the outside, people cannot tell I have epilepsy. Most people think I'm a pothead, due to my meds which are both barbiturates. I'm frequently asked "Where do you get your stuff?". lol. 

 

I try not to think about it that much. I have a good life. 😉 

 

But what if? 🤔

GBE #17 What Is the Musical Backdrop to My Life

 

 

 

 

That is my life. Without music in it, my life would "b flat"

 

I grew up an only child whose mom loved music and introduced me to all kinds. I was a member of the Singing Boys of Orlando (performed at Disney World between 5 and 6 times), was a member of the school band, and for a year toyed with a drum kit in a band. That went no where, but my love of music was deeply ingrained in me. I would never expect how much I'd need it when my parents got their divorce right after I graduated from High School.

 

That was in 1980 and I was working the night shift. We all liked rock and one evening a radio show commemorating the 10th anniversary of the death of Jimi Hendrix was on. I had never heard of him and I promptly went out the next day and purchased the Essential Jimi Hendrix, Volumes 1 & 2. I thought there were no other albums. I ended up collecting over 60+ records of just Jimi's because I went down a rabbit hole.    

 

Jimi's music provided me with escape and dare I say... healing? That is what Hendrix dreamed and wanted his music to do. So in the 80's and 90's, I was listening to current music but I also was listening to late 60's/early 70's.

Music is always on at my home/office. Even when I sleep it is playing. I currently listen to pop, blues, jazz, R&B, funk, country, classical and metal. In my opinion, classical and metal are closer than many want to admit. Example: Metallica's S&M. The Call of Ktulu is a symphony by itself. With the orchestra, it's a masterpiece.

 

 

Without my music I feel lost. I love coming across new and obscure bands. I came across X Japan on YouTube. The band's backstory is very interesting. Gene Simmons said if they had been in the US or Europe, they would have been a huge act. Sadly, the guitarist with pink hair died a short time after this concert in the 90's. The band reformed and he is still considered an active band member,

 

 

 Recently I discovered The Warning and Larkin Poe. 

Both of them are sister acts.

 

 

 

The two groups which got me into metal - White Zombie/Rob Zombie and Metallica. See videos below  

GBE Reincarnated, Topic #5: BEAUTY

This weeks subject is Beauty. 

Merriam-Webster's defines Beauty as: 

1 : the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness 

• a woman of great physical beauty 
• exploring the natural beauty of the island 
• A thing of beauty is a joy forever. John Keats 

 2 : a beautiful person or thing 

• His new car's a real beauty. 
• especially : a beautiful woman 
• She was a great beauty in her day. 

3 : a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality 

• Well, at any rate, he had two great beauties—the pale flat white of his skin and his great shaggy mass of dark hair.— Dorothy C. Fisher 

4 : a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance 

• caught a couple of beauties on our last fishing trip 
• that mistake was a beauty

In my opinion, beauty is not on the outside, but inner beauty is what I find most attractive. 

 And now some pics and quotes on Beauty...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Was My Motivation When Joining The GBE, And What Did I Hope To Get Out Of It?

The prompt was "WHAT WAS YOUR MOTIVATION IN JOINING THE GROUP, AND WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GET OUT OF IT?"

It all goes back to a few days before Friday, July 4, 2008 and my first blog for the GBE - Independence - GBE 44.

I had been an avid reader of the blogs and I sometimes commented on certain ones, OKAY... so I was a lurker. lol.

A couple of bloggers both gently urged me to join in; to go ahead and blog.

I was SOOOO nervous hitting that POST button, but it was worth it. I had hoped to find a sense of community and I did. I met so many people in GBE #1 that I continued to have friendships with after the mass migration.

As for my motivations, I have lost touch with them. C'est la vie.

Letter to my Younger Self

Me at 16; I lost my 7th grade yearbook to a waterbreak.



Hello younger me.

Just a heads up... Life is not going to go the way you have planned. You are a planner by nature, and you will only become more of one as you age. Here are some things that I would have liked to have known going into 7th grade. Below are suggestions for just the next 3 years (7th - 9th grades):

1) First off, enjoy your time in middle school. Thank goodness you don't have social media to follow you home. Home is going to become your refuge.

2) In elementary, you were happy go lucky but the world is a cruel place. (Shocker, I know!!!) 7th and 8th grades are going to be hell for you. You are going to be bullied.

3) Don't go crushin' on CD. She is out of your league and when you ask her out, don't be surprised when she laughs.

4) Do NOT rock on the tetherball pole with MH. When he jumps off, you will get hit on your forehead. That one event will forever change your life and how you live it.

5) Ages 14, 15, & 16 are going to be the most difficult ones for you. When it comes time for 10th grade you have found yourself. You will become a bridge between "cliques", being welcomed into the brains, the jocks, the band, and the stoners. But events are going to happen in the latter years of HS that will forever change the way you live your life.

But you will survive.

Oh... btw... keep the thought of trade school in the back of your mind. College is not for everyone.

Larkin Poe - A Band Worth a Listen

A package deal since 1991 🖤🖤
📷 Bogdan Popa #larkinpoe

I just love how this photo captures Rebecca and Megan Lovell's musical partnership. Not only sisters, but great bandmates as well.

GBE #2 - TIME

I saw the prompt and immediatley thought of 2 songs.

The lyrics:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today

And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun

And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun
But it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught
Or half a page of scribbled lines

Hanging on in quiet desperation
Is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over
Thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again

I like to be here when I can

When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire

Far away, across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: David Jon Gilmour / Richard William Wright / Niclas Brekley Mason / George Roger Waters
Time lyrics © Roger Waters Music Overseas Ltd, Pink Floyd Music Publishers Ltd

The lyrics:

She was staring out the window of that SUV
Complaining, saying "I can't wait to turn eighteen"
She said "I'll make my own money and I'll make my own rules"
Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
And she kissed her head and said, "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In her one bedroom apartment and her daddy stops by
He tells her, "It's a nice place"
She says, "It'll do for now"
Starts talkin' about babies and buyin' a house
Daddy shakes his head and says, "Baby, just slow down, 'cause"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says, "They don't bother me
I've got two babies of my own
One's thirty-six, one's twenty-three
Huh, it's hard to believe, but"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna' miss this
Yeah
You're gonna' miss this

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ashley Gorley / Lee Miller
You're Gonna Miss This lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Spirit Music Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

The Way Love is Suppoosed to Be

Thank you Elizabeth and Tai for getting me back into the new reincarnation of the GBE. And thank you Alicia for organizing it. I hope that you will have themes like in the past. When I first joined the GBE back on MySpace, I was a "lurker"... meaning I read the blogs and sometimes commented on them. It was with the push of two people (Katy and Chickee) that I began to blog. Too bad that I have totally lost touch with both of them.

Wow... It has been 7 years since I have blogged??? 🤦🏻‍♂️ Unbelievable! A lot has happened in those seven years. Good and bad: I lost my mom to cancer in 2019 and 2 years later I was offerred my old job back; no more self-employment. 😃 Truth be told though, I'd rather still have my mom and be hustling to find work.

When MySpace was imploding, I transferred all of my blogs to this site. I used a lot of photos and Photobucket has watermarked a majority of the pics that I used.

Now a little music.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Wow... has it really been over a year since I blogged? 

Hard to believe... 

When I would be asked why I wasn't blogging like I did with the GBE, especially GBE #1, the reason I gave was that I was too busy with work. 
(Which was true). 
I can't say that anymore, although it seems I'm busier.

This time though it's trying to FIND work.

I want to send this Mother's Day Card message out to all of the ladies out there to wish them a Happy Mother's Day! 
 

Not just those just on my friend list, but to ALL who read this.  I know that there are some who might not have children of their own, but I'm quite sure that they 
all have been - in some way, or they will be - 

a positive influence to a child. 

There are also some women who, at least to me, have disappeared off social media. They were some of the people who got me blogging in the first place. This is in hopes that they come across and read this. 

 
*

Only a mother
can communicate love
without saying a word.
For the many unspoken ways
that you share your love
in your family,
I hope you know that you're
loved and appreciated
beyond measure.

Have a Beautiful
Mother's Day

Who am I? - Prompt 1 – January 8, 2014

I am many things. In no particular order I am:

a son

a friend

a confidant to a few

an acquaintance to many

a catalog coordinator, aka a merchandiser 

a lover of the Arts

and let's not forget music. definitely a lover of that. 

it is something I cannot fathom: a world with no Music.

???

Peace to you all. :) 

Goodbye, Blockbusters.

Remember this twitter post...

To our employees, we have received many stories about how you helped make the BLOCKBUSTER experience so special. #BlockbusterMemories
— Blockbuster (@blockbuster) November 10, 2013

Well, an era has ended. As most of you know, Blockbusters has closed and has stopped renting. I know a majority of you out there now digitally stream movies online or use on-demand services. There are some of you who use Redbox.

To me, both Redbox and online is a cold way to get movies. I like getting DVDs the old-fashioned way. I like to touch, read the cases, ask an employee's or fellow customer's opinion, and actually stumble across movies I wouldn't have searched for if searching online. You know… serendipity! Call  me retro, old-fashioned, whatever…

I started going ten+ years ago and Blockbusters became a habit I never got out of.  Of the three stores I rented from over that time, each would greet me by name. They knew my likes and my dislikes and the staff would suggest films I had never heard of and would never had rented if not for them mentioning them. Sometimes they would put a new DVD (it was VHS at the start) behind the counter for me.

Yes, Blockbusters was my Cheers. Thanks guys, for the memories and a BIG thank you to all of the people that helped me over the years. (Relevance of twitter post) :))

The Death of Common Sense | Lori Borgman | Sunday, March 15, 1998

This was written in 1998, but it makes even more sense today.

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. His obituary reads as follows: Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape. Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.

Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet.

C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body piercing, whole language and new math. C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus.

In the following decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.

His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last.

Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought. Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.

WEEK #59 (7-1-12 to 7-7-12): The Seven Deadlies: I chose Pride

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.”
~ Jane Austen

“Let your actions always speak for you, but be forever on guard against
the terrible traps of false pride and conceit that can halt your
progress. The next time you are tempted to boast, just place your fist
in a full pail of water, and when you remove it, the hole remaining
will give you a correct measure of your importance.” ~ Og Mandino



“What good is social class and status? Truthfulness is measured within. Pride in one's status is like poison - holding it in your hand and eating it, you shall die.”
~ Sri Guru Granth Sahib


“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, and pride and arrogance.” ~ Samuel Butler







“No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride”



“Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.”



“Pride comes before a fall” ~ Proverb






“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” ~ Saint Augustine



“In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes.” ~ John Ruskin



“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real” ~ Thomas Merton







“And the Devil did grin, for his darling sin is pride that apes humility.” ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge



“My pride fell with my fortunes.” ~ William Shakespeare



“Pride is an admission of weakness; it secretly fears all competition and dreads all rivals.” ~ Fulton J. Sheen






“Vanity is the polite mask of pride.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche



“The sin of pride may be a small or a great thing in someone's life, and hurt vanity a passing pinprick, or a self-destroying or ever murderous obsession.” ~ Iris Murdoch



“The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny” ~
Mark Twain






“Pride is the master sin of the devil, and the devil is the father of lies” ~ Edwin Hubbel Chapin



“Pride slays thanksgiving, but an humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher



“Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others; And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others. When one sets his heart on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating, then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status.” ~ Lao Tzu






“The Bible and several other self
help or enlightenment books cite the Seven Deadly Sins. They are:
pride, greed, lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. That pretty much
covers everything that we do, that is sinful... or fun for that
matter.” ~ Dave Mustaine

“Pride is a vice, which pride itself inclines every man to find in others, and to overlook in himself” ~ Samuel Johnson


“Pride the first peer and president of hell.” ~ Daniel Defoe







“The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell” ~ Simone Weil



“Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt”
~ Benjamin Franklin



“Humility and knowledge in poor clothes excel pride and ignorance in costly attire.” ~ William Penn







“Anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is a monster that swallows it up.” ~ Mohandas Gandhi



“Five enemies of peace inhabit with us / avarice, ambition, envy, anger, and pride; if these were to be banished, we should infallibly enjoy perpetual peace.” ~ Francesco Petrarch







“Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.” ~ Jules Renard



“The avenues in my neighborhood are Pride, Covetousness and Lust; the cross streets are Anger, Gluttony, Envy and Sloth. I live over on Sloth, and the style on our street is to avoid the other thoroughfares.” ~
John Chancellor



“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity?”
~ Ronald Duncan






“Pride ruined the angels.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


“A proud man is always looking down
on things and people; and, of course, as long as you're looking down,
you can't see something that's above you.” ~ C.S. Lewis


“Pride in social status is empty; pride in personal glory is useless.” ~ Sri Guru Granth Sahib

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

If this looks familiar it's because it was originally my submission to the GBE on MySpace back on 5-23-09. That week's topic was Pride.

The GBE, or Group Blogging Experience was great fun, and so is the GBE2. 

Thanks, Bethie.

I've just seen a face...

I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met.
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-m'mmm-mmm.

The Beatles sang that and now I want the whole world to hear. I did meet someone and I think she is the one, yes, I really do. I have found a very sexy lady. Not everyone can see the beauty I see. They do not see her giving heart, her gorgeous eyes, her caring love. But I do.


And not only is she all that, but she is also an exhibitionist. Boy, am I a lucky man.

And I'm a happy one.

And is there a better place to announce and proclaim to "all the world" my love than on here? I think not.









 

I used to spend my days on a bench by the ocean.  

Or on my boat.

   

Or on the shore of the lake fishing.

  

 But then I saw her...

   

Isn't she pretty?

  

 Here is her exhibitionist side

 

And here we are together, going at it. *wink-wink*

   

 Damn, I'm lucky!!!

Don't Think Twice

Music and Me

This song was released at a time when I didn't really appreciate the talent of Michael Jackson. I heard this song performed the other night on the X-Factor and really HEARD it for the first time. Wow, it hit a chord with me. Music has always been my lover. Always there...

You're Always With Me

I saw the movie "Our Idiot Brother" tonight. I liked it; the story was good, but so was the soundtrack. People who know me know my ear is always listening to the music in the background. Listening to the music of a movie or television show, or just the music playing in the background of Life.

I heard just a snippet of this song and immediately thought of a friend. After the movie was over I found the complete song. :)

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

I saw this on youtube and wanted to share it. Not necessarily am I saying I'm alone but hey, aren't we all in some way or another? What this suggests you do is easier said than done, because I think all humans need love. Need someone. It does give some comfort simply in letting you know you aren't alone in having that feeling.

The video is "by filmmaker Andrea Dorfman and poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis.

Davis wrote the beautiful poem and performed in the video which Dorfman directed, shot, animated by hand and edited. The video was shot in Halifax, Nova Scotia and was produced by Bravo!FACT"

[Tanya Davis]
If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Copyrights: Tanya Davis

***wondering***

I came across this paragraph as I was browsing online. I added the photo to help emphasize that this is being seen from a male perspective. I know my family doesn't know the "complete me"; I don't think even my closest friend understands my fear or my point of view. Yes, yes, I wonder... as I continue daily to put on my mask.

 

"I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people’s eyes. Do they think I have it easy? Do they think I have nothing going for myself? Or are they fascinated with who I am? The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know the things I’ve had to overcome. Not even my closest friends, not even my whole family. The thing is that people are so quick to judge nowadays. You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. I always try to look as put together as I can, and I guess that’s my way of hiding from the truth. That way, everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay. That I never go through anything. If only people knew how broken I am, how I’m holding on for dear life on this one last strand that’s recently become very delicate. The truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me, and sometimes that scares me because no one will ever know why I am the way I am." ~ Unknown





Only I know the melody of my life. 

GBE2.27 - LAUGHTER

Hi there... remember me? I know it has been awhile. This is just a quickie I am posting. Laughter is so important to all of us... I know it is something I need to do more. Just when I think I've found something to make me smile... *sighs* I shouldn't rely on others for amusement. Heaven knows I do enough to make myself laugh.

So, come on in, sit a spell laughter. Keep me company.

Emptiness

Emptiness is filling me,

to the point of agony.~




"Fade to Black" Metallica

GBE 2.4 - Control

So this week the topic is control. Seems like at one time or another, everyone wants and/or needs a little control.

That being said... Here is a flashback to listen to.

When I was 17, I did what people told me



Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me



But that was long ago





Chorus:



I'm in control, never gonna stop



Control, to get what I want



Control, I got to have a lot



Control, now I'm all grown up





First time I fell in love



I didn't know what hit me



So young and so naive



I thought it would be easy



But now I know I've got to take...





Repeat Chorus





That's right, I'm on my own,



I'll call my own shots, thank you





Bridge:



Got my own mind



I wanna make my own decisions



When it has to do with my life, my life



I wanna be the one in control





So let me take you by the hand



And lead you on this dance



Cause what I've got is because I took a chance



I don't wanna rule the world



Just wanna run my life



So make your life a little easier



When you get the chance just take...





Repeat Chorus





Free at last, out here on my own



Now control this



That's right, career moves



I do what's right for me



And me wants to groove



Is that ok?





Repeat Bridge





Hop to it



I'm in control (and I love it, that's right)



Control, now I've got a lot



Control, now I'm all grown up



I'm in control, I'm in control



Don't make me lose it

GBE 2.3 - Lost & Found (reversed)

Found and Lost

I remember when I first found her page on MySpace a few years ago. The page was so bright and summery. We became "MySpace friends" and slowly got to know each other. Over time, we became closer. We shared things. We talked. A lot.

We listened to each other. I tried to be a shoulder for her although I didn't entirely understand what she was going through. She got a piece of my heart.

She still has that piece, even though we grew apart. Like a star, our friendship flared and burned out, although it served a purpose. Still, in essence, I lost her. She will often cross my mind and I trust that she is doing well. I think she is.

GBE 2.2 - Success

The definition of success (səkˈses) in the dictionary is:
1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose;
2. The attainment of popularity or profit.

I was raised and taught by my parents that successful people were happy with themselves and made a positive impact on the people around them. But when I was in middle and high school, I attended a school where the prevailing attitude was that you were only successful if you achieved fortune and fame. The more money you made, the higher your degree of success. In defense of the school, which was, and still is academically great and where I met some really fantastic people, I don't think they realized it.




Fast forward 30 years... I have not made a ton of money... yet (lol), nor has my life even gone in the direction I thought it would. "Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been". Those lyrics sure fit my life. I have some regrets over things I have not become and accomplished, but my life is far from over. All in all, I am happy with myself. I also like to think I have a "quiet impact" on the people around me.




The song I Was Here by Lady Antebellum has a line in it that I am striving for. "I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life... And leave nothing less than something that says I was here."




If I can accomplish that and be happy, then I'll think myself a success. See, I consider the following definition from Ralph Waldo Emerson to be the correct one for success.




"What is success? To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; That is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson






Now... some views from other people. What, you thought I wouldn't list some quotes??? lol.

"Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable." - Coco Chanel







"The only place in life where you find success before work is in the dictionary." - Mary V. Smith







"Impatience never commanded success." - Edwin H. Chapin







"If you want success, then don't rely on other people to do what YOU can do!" - Sasha Azevedo















"Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks and courage." - Charles Luckman










"You must learn from your past mistakes, but not lean on your past successes." - Denis Waitley










"Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success." - Joyce Brothers










"The great success of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters." - Sir Harold Nicholson





















"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson










"Learn to adapt. Things change, circumstances change. Adjust yourself and your efforts to what it is presented to you so you can respond accordingly. Never see change as a threat, because it can be an opportunity to learn, to grow, evolve and become a better person." - Rodolfo Costa










"Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom." - Euripides










"They can because they think they can." - Virgil





















"We are all motivated by a keen desire for praise, and the better a man is, the more he is inspired to glory." - Cicero










"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself."- Theodore T. Hunger











"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Loyd Wright











"The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed." - Richard Brinsley Sheridan





















"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows." - Aristotle Onassis










"A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience." - Elbert Hubbard










"There is only one success--to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley










"Success is sweet: the sweeter if long delayed and attained through manifold struggles and defeats." - A. Branson Alcott





















"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will." - Vince Lombardi










"Success is refusing to accept defeat." - Zurek










"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody." - Herbert Bayard Swope










"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." - Earl of Beaconsfield





















"Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time." - Josh Billings










"Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration." - Evan Esar









"If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius." - Jospeph Addison










"The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do, well." - Henry W. Longfellow




















"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields











"Try not to become a man of success but a man of value." - Albert Einstein











"Success is the accomplishment of that which most people think can't be done." - C. V. White











"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." - Robert Collier